Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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