do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
