dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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