I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
