ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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