Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize