Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
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