The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
