Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
