Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
