I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
