You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
