TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
