So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
