I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize