Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
