Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
