I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
