Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
