I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
