Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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