Define "chronic" masturbator.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
