dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
