He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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