Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
