I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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