Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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