when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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