i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
