I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
