I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
