there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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