So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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