I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
