My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
