Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
