I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
