So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
