grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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