Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
