and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
