You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
