I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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