You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize