who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
