I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
