I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
