please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
