i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
