The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
