I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
