My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
