K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
