next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
