he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
