hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
