I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
