grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
