You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize