this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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