I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
