I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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