I hate your face
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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