I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
