oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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