He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
