Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
