The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
