How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
