I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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