there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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