Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize