I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
