I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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