i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
