how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
