If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
