I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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