yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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