Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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