Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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