i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
