OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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