Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
