Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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