A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize