i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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